The past two weeks have been full of surprises.
First, the tenant came out earlier than expected; instead of waiting til December he went out to see the world last November 30.
Second, I wasn’t able to experience the kind of birth I originally wanted. After more than two gruelling hours of labor, the doctors decided I’d have to be sliced because I wasn’t strong enough to push. It was, still is, quite disappointing but I’m happy Evo and I are both safe and well.
Now two weeks into motherhood and I can say this has got to be the toughest job ever. Being a mother is a lot more than just waking up in ungodly hours to feed your child or to ensure he’s warm or comfortable – there are almost no words to describe what a mother does or what she has to go through. It’s true what they say, that you’ll only truly understand and appreciate your parents once you become one.
Countless times I’ve asked myself whether I’m cut out for this role or not. I’ve never held a newborn in my life; much less be selfless enough to put other’s needs before mine. But in the two weeks that I’ve officially claimed the role of ‘mom’ I discovered a lot about myself, about the man who gave me this precious angel, about the people around me… That I may not be ‘mother material’ but I surely have the heart and patience for it; that no matter how exhausted S is from work, he can and will still find time and energy to care for his little bugoy; that even though it’s no longer their job, my parents and sisters will always be willing to back me up and lend a hand when I can barely keep an eye open.
I know the journey wouldn’t be easy, what with all the things I still have to learn and master. But just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it’s not going to be worth it. With the struggle comes understanding, and eventually fulfilment 🙂